Dating Tips for Complete Freaks
Everyone seems to think they have the best dating advice.
Your mom tells you to smile with your lips closed so he
notice your crooked teeth. Your best pal suggests you try
not to bite your nails and spit them back into the popcorn
bag during the movie. And your sister thinks you should
telling him your diatribe about why tampons should be
Of course, not all advice is going to help lost
souls in the dating realm. Some of us need a lot more help
than others. If you happen to be completely clueless when it
comes to dating, don't worry. Just follow these handy
suggestions for wooing the innocent bystander.
- Say you want to talk to a lad who catches your eye but
you're at a loss for words. Feel free to tell him he has
smile and a great laugh. But avoid making any mention about
his dandruff problem. That might make him a little
- Don't compliment his shirt or jacket as a way to touch his
arm. Your comments should be sincere, not a way to cop a
feel. And staying clear of half-compliments where you say
things like "You'll be so cute once that acne clears up."
- If you finally make it to getting a date, you might
pay attention to his body language. Look for signs of
so you don't go on and on babbling about your fascination
with squirrels. If your date is mimicking your movements,
then he is truly in synch with what you are saying. Either
that, or you've landed a mime.
- Don't make up a brand-new identity just to impress your
date. In other words, refrain from speaking with a fake
French accent all night. Pretending to know another
language will also get you into embarrassing predicaments.
He may be fluent in it and think you're a bit odd for saying
you like to eat cat hair on your tacos.
- Copying characters in retro John Hughes movies like
Breakfast Club doesn't make you irresistible. You are
never will be Molly Ringwald. That lipstick-in-the-bra trick
might have been cool on the big screen, but in reality you
might end up with a ruined shirt and red face.
- If he's looking at everything in the room but you,
to get his attention by raising your voice. He's bored, not
- Even though you want to prove you're datable, don't bring
up stories of all your past boyfriends. Especially if one of
them is incredibly jealous of new guys you try to befriend.
This will only make him uncomfortably shift around in his
- Trying to change him on the first date won't score any
points for you. Be careful saying something like "Did you
know you'd look just like Dawson if you parted your hair in
the middle? I love that show!"
- Don't divulge too much information about him that you
gained from stalking him days before the date. He might be
creeped out to know that you're privy to his locker
combination, underwear preference and secret Beanie Baby
Following these idiot-proof tips may not get you an instant
boyfriend, but at least you'll have the chance of second
date. Advice is only helpful from what you make of it. So
have fun, and try not to ask him for any loans during
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