by Jerry Blue
The Anti-Worker zine

C onsider the times when your employee is being a nuisance. If it is when he or she is left alone during the day - help there loneliness by leaving a radio with MUSAK on.

If your employee works outside (allowing them more freedom or movement in a fenced yard or pen,) it may reduce your employee's tension. If practical, you might hire a fellow employee as a companion for your existing employee. Be sure the Job has many opportunities for enjoyment.

Managers or The Boss should never make a big thing of leaving or returning to work. Over-excited employees are more likely to be less productive at work due to resentment they feel at their superiors' advantages.

Here are some guidelines on training employees:

1. The first training rule is to be consistant and persistant. You cannot expect an employee to learn without this structure.

2. Be ready for an immediate response. Have ready a suirt gun filled with extremely hot water.

3. Say" "SILENCE EMPLOYEE" and give him/her two shots of water whenevr they slack off. He/she should stop at once. If you wait to squirt them after they are slacking -- it wil confuse them.

4. If the employee moves away from the hot water shot, repeat saying: "SILENCE EMPLOYEE" as you go to give them one more squirt of water. Repeat each time they slack needlessly.

Usually a week or two of this type training is enough if you are consistant and persistant!!! Remember to reassure the employee that you are still friends with them by patting their backs when they are corrected. You never want your employee to think that you view them as animals.

With this conditioning procedure, your employee will soon learn to expect a squirt of hot water when you yell: "SILENCE EMPLOYEE!!!" Once they make this association, you will not need to squirt them again. Only rarely will they forget who is in charge.

If your problem persists, check your local phone book under the heading "DOG TRAINING." Your employee is much like a dog -- they are to do as you say, when you say it. The trainers in these institutions will have some great advice.

Good luck, and train well.