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 Wed, May 29, 2002 EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY: Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan. DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of what they call "pizza." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time... This funny example of pet diaries was sent to me by Louise Swann. Thanks!
Sun, May 25, 2002
Mmmm..chewy!
Wed, May 22, 2002 By Best Pal, Gir:
I showed him all the cool stuff outside the house: where I bury my toys underneath the deck, the broken down tree house, the best peeing spot and the big rock where all those weird lizards I like to chase hang out. We wrested like WWF puppies. I may be a hyper hound around Gir, but he's the Alpha Dog. Plus he's so dreamy.
Mon, May 20, 2002 Stuff I Ate Today: Things I dragged out of the trash when no one was looking:
* half a mini-pizza Food willingly handed to me:
* 16 ice cubes Stuff I ate from outside:
* my own poo BURP.
Thurs, May 16, 2002 Welcome: Since everyone and their dog seems to have a blog, I thought I'd go ahead and prove them right. If you want to see cutesy puppies dressed up in humiliating costumes, or dogs playing poker, you've come to the wrong place. I prefer Scrabble. Anyway, here are a few things you need to know about me:
1. I'm a dog: a mix of pitbull and Weimaraner. Don't ask.
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