Wed, May 29, 2002

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:

Day number 180

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am -OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon -OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm -OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm -ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of what they call "pizza." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

This funny example of pet diaries was sent to me by Louise Swann. Thanks!

Sun, May 25, 2002

Mmmm..chewy!

Nothing satisfies like gnawing on one of these bones. It tastes soooo good. Almost as good as my dog food and Scooby Snacks I get for just sitting when asked. (Suckers.) But the item that I really want to shred to bits is the forbidden rubber duckie. I mean, we have like 20 of them and I've already destroyed one. What's 19 more?

Wed, May 22, 2002

By Best Pal, Gir:


Today I played and played with Gir (he's named after Gir from Invader Zim). He's part pitbull too, but mellow. In fact, I look like a crack puppy next to him. We chased each other, barked, sniffed stuff, rolled in the dirt and ate things we shouldn't have.

I showed him all the cool stuff outside the house: where I bury my toys underneath the deck, the broken down tree house, the best peeing spot and the big rock where all those weird lizards I like to chase hang out.

We wrested like WWF puppies. I may be a hyper hound around Gir, but he's the Alpha Dog. Plus he's so dreamy.

Mon, May 20, 2002

Stuff I Ate Today:

Things I dragged out of the trash when no one was looking:

* half a mini-pizza
* sour cream and onion chips
* Bounce dryer sheet
* one onion slice

Food willingly handed to me:

* 16 ice cubes
* hard pellets of dog food
* 3 Scooby snacks

Stuff I ate from outside:

* my own poo
* 4 misc. bugs
* half a pine cone
* various twigs
* a mouthful of grass

BURP.

Discuss

Thurs, May 16, 2002

Welcome:

Since everyone and their dog seems to have a blog, I thought I'd go ahead and prove them right. If you want to see cutesy puppies dressed up in humiliating costumes, or dogs playing poker, you've come to the wrong place. I prefer Scrabble.

Anyway, here are a few things you need to know about me:

1. I'm a dog: a mix of pitbull and Weimaraner. Don't ask.
2. I was an abandonned puppy before I was rescued and eventually brought to my current home.
3. I live in northern Calif., with plenty of forest to roam around in.
4. I snore loudly.
5. I love to eat ice.
6. Other dogs annoy me.
7. I have fleas.
8. I like to roll in doo.
9. Rawhide toys are a dog's best friend.
10. I sound like a snorting pig when I sniff for food.
11. I sneak food out of the trash.
12. Lizards are fun to chase.
13. I play fetch until everyone else passes out.
14. I sleep on my back with my paws reaching for the sky.
15. Oh yeah, my name is Sophie.

Discuss


2002
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Hong Kong Phooey
Dateline: Kennel
JPEG the Dog
Lexi the Dog
Ask Higgins
Mr. Winkle
Triumph
Courage
Stogie

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